The Home Stretch

Apparently this is what people call it when you're in your last weeks of pregnancy. I've been hearing that a lot lately. When I think about how life is going to change in just about a month now, I'm filled with excitement, anxiety, impatience, disbelief, etc, etc... the list goes on.

As far as the excitement goes, I can't believe I'm actually going to be a MOM! It's something I've always imagined myself doing. I've loved babies for as long as I can remember. I can't wait to meet this little person that's been growing and moving around inside of me for so long it seems. The anxiety comes in when I realize that this little baby is going to be fully dependent on me for quite some time. I can only hope to be what he needs and deserves. Pre-pregnant me felt like I waited FOREVER to start down the road of parenthood and now being 5.5 weeks out, it's occuring to me that, yeah, I probably could have waited for life to be a bit more stable, a bit less crazy.. but then again, when is there ever a time in life when everything is working out just perfectly?

Impatience - Now this I am no stranger to... my mother would tell you that I'm probably the most impatient person that she knows... and she'd probably be right! With all the lovely symptoms that pop up in the third trimester, I'm just about done with the whole pregnant thing! I want my body back. I miss my coffee and my wine people! A nice, cold beer would have been nice over this wretchedly, hot summer as well. Brian likes to remind me that I wanted all of this. I'd say that I wanted a baby - not ALL of this, but hey you have to take it all to get any of it.

One thing that I didn't expect to feel was sadness. I don't know why I didn't expect this as I've dealt with depression my whole life and I've heard that around 80% of women experience some type of blues during and after pregnancy. I guess I just expected the excitement to outweigh it? Who knows. I do know that I'm sick of my job - which makes me feel like an awful person because I know I should be completely grateful that I even have a job in this economy. I just feel like I really worked hard for a long time to finish school only to be stuck with what I would have been stuck with had I not worked my entire way through a bachelors degree. I'm really hoping that once Oliver comes and I'm able to start applying for other jobs that this sense of "being trapped" in this particular job goes away. Not just trapped in this job, but trapped in this horrible, dusty, hellish state that in my opinion we should have just left with Mexico instead of stealing it away from them -Wow, that sounds kind of bitter!

It was not my intention for this post to become a Bitch Fest! Sorry about that! There are some things that I'm really looking forward to in the next month. Brian and I have an Anniversary coming up next week and I'll be taking the day off to spend it with him. I have a baby shower that some work friends are throwing for me the week after and then we're expecting a visit from Brian's Mother, sister and our nephew and niece that we're very excited about! I'm most definitely looking forward to the birth of our son and all the changes that will come with it, especially the whole not being pregnant anymore thing...! :) What a trip it has already been. I know, I know... we haven't even gotten on the ride yet!